the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize