my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
