i don't like sucking hair
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
