Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
