i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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