Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
