You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize