I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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