i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
