i don't like sucking hair
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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