we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
