dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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