I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
