idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The air taste purple.
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