Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize