tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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