just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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