there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
