she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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