First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
