I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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