It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
