I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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