I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
