Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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