sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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