remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
