Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
