explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
