He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
