Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
