dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
