I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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