NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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