Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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