What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
