Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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