i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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