He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
