If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize