Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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