you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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