I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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