Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
