So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
