If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
