I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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