We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
