i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
