gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
