dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fuck appropriateness.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
