Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
