I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
