accomplished twins. life is a go
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I see more hoeing in ur future
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