First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
