My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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