Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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