:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
