Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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