Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.

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(410): View more from Maryland

she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.

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(347): View more from New York

she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...

(317): View more from Indiana

Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar

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(334): View more from Alabama

It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife

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