i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
