I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
