i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
