If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
