Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
