I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
