saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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