We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
how does that bad decision feel?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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