hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
